Why
by Princess Iria
Summary: Riou's thoughts about Jowy after he dies in his arms on Tenzen Pass.


**Note**: Follows the ending when Riou decides not to fight Jowy but doesn't have all 108 Stars, so Jowy ends up dying. OOC-ness (in your opinion) is allowed because Riou is the main character and really doesn't have that much of a personality.

**Why **

I hold your cold body in my arms, your skin ash white like the color of snow. Your gray hair, extremely long and tied in a ponytail, is bunched up in my hands, hands that were useless. Your eyes are closed and your pale lips slightly parted, like the whisper of a breath you took last.

I couldn't save you.

Why did it have to be this way? For all the countless times that you saved me, I could not return the favor. You were only my best friend but you acted as my older brother. Escaping from Rowd the night of the massacre, escaping from the mercenary fort, escaping from Luca…you always came up with the plans. You were the mature one, knowing that someday we may not be on the same side. You made me promise to meet you here at the end of this, no matter what. I, on the other hand, thought we would be together for eons.

I was so naïve.

When we finally killed Luca, I thought everything was perfect. I thought we could just come together and make peace because we were friends. You, on the other hand, understood the reason for the war. If one nation wasn't destroyed, then war would continue until one was. You knew. You planned to unite all the lands under one ruler, under the leadership of the King of Highland. You did the best you could, trying to keep me away from the war, trying to make me leave each time. But fate sided against you. The Stars of Destiny united behind me and destroyed your kingdom. You fled here, sending your wife and Pilika away. You held on long enough to make it here.

I was weak.

I broke down immediately after Nanami's death. She had always protected me, and never the other way around. I dream about that day every night, watching myself stand still as Nanami blocked all the arrows but one. I remember fighting with you against Gorudo afterwards and doubting myself again. I was supported by so many powerful people: Viktor and Flik, the knights of Rockaxe, the generals of Two River, Muse, and Greenhill, troops from Toran. I only stayed because they all wanted me there. I was a figurehead who followed orders. I didn't have a purpose like you did. You probably never broke down. I know you mourned her just like I did, but it didn't affect you. You and your generals fought until the end. You fought a losing war, yet you never strayed from your ideals.

I instead was controlled by fear.

You told me to leave many times. I never did, because I was afraid of disappointing people. I would be called a coward for running away; yet if I ran away, I was brave enough to face the anger and disappointment of thousands of people. I should have ran off and saved the grief of thousands of men. Did it really matter who won at the end? If Highland won, you would be the leader and make everything all right. But since I won, I am the leader expected to make everything all right. I almost stayed at the castle after the end of the war. Their faces, the faces of many strong and brave men, bored down at me, expecting me to accept leadership. I defied them for one moment to come to you, but in the end I will go back and be their leader once I bury you.

I will never forget you.

Is it a part of you that stays with me every time I look at the rune on my hand? I accepted your rune as your last wish. The two halves that were destined to fight each other were rejoined into one. I can see the black sword, your rune, engraved next to mine, the white shield. You were supposed to cut everything; I was supposed to protect everything. But I guess neither of us really fulfilled those prophecies. If you cut through everything, you would be alive. If I protected everything, you would also be alive.

I have many regrets.

I wish I could have told you how much I cared for you, how much I admired you. I would have told you that I loved you like a brother I never had. I wish I could have helped you more, so you didn't have to save us every time. I wish I listened to you and let you win the war. I wish I wasn't such a coward and defied the fate of our two runes. But most of all I wish I could have saved you.

I am alone.

Neither Nanami nor you are there for me any more. In a few weeks I lost both my sister and my best friend. I see thousands of strangers waving and smiling at me from a distance but no one I recognize. I have no one I can confide my deepest feelings and thoughts to except for myself. I control a whole empire, but I know no one like I know you or Nanami. I have strategists, generals, administrators, advisors…many people who will obey any command. The many faces I know will leave soon after the celebrations because they are restless. I wish I had the freedom. No, I wish I had the will.

I need your strength.

I don't know how long I will live now that I have a complete rune. Supposedly the bearers of True runes live forever, watching loved ones die one by one, falling like dominos until the last one is down. I met another boy my age who suffered similar trials as me and who has no one to keep him at home. His cursed rune destined him to take over an army, lose his manservant, kill his father, and absorb his friend. He may be the only one who understands me. But yet we are different at the same time, and words don't flow between us. He runs away from people, not getting close to anyone. I stay around people but I don't really talk to them. I only find suitable conversation with myself, debating the what-ifs and the many alternate endings to our story.

I only have one more question.

It questions everything. It asks for reasons and explanations. It is never satisfied because the answers are never completely correct. It can always be asked, no matter how learned one may be. It is easy to ask but hard to answer.

Why?


End file.
